Message just received from the Good Shepherd parish in Kelmscott Western Australia
From: Clive Maher
Sent: Sunday, 26 June 2005 7:40 PM
Subject: KELMSCOTT NEWS
Sent: Sunday, 26 June 2005 7:40 PM
Subject: KELMSCOTT NEWS
Greetings
Hot Off The Press …….
Our beloved Parish Priest Fr Melvin has just announced that he has been transferred to Helsinki as of the middle of NEXT MONTH.
Persistence Pays!!
God Bless
Clive and the Mosquitoes.
thank God
Lets hope Fr Richard goes to Antartica then you whinging clowns will have cause to get together in your clown car go through the Mc Donalds drive thru and order a MC Happy meal
Now Now Dave!…..Don’t be a sore loser….Why don’t you be a true Neocat….love your enemies…kiss them on both cheeks….pray for whingers….Have your Brain Washed in the nearest Drive Through Car Wash.
By the way I’ve just finished reading some of your Master’s MASTERPIECES
How to Deceive through Secrecy and Cunning.
How to Destroy a Parish.
How to Hood-wink the simple and Vulnerable.
I’m tryimg to get His works on the Way itself…But this is unfortunately Out of Stock.
Anyhow….
Get over it and have a
Mc Feast…just make sure you don’t use the last straw as you try and sneak in a Thick Shake
By the way..(no pun intended) Try and check your spelling…let me help
MC Happy is McHappy
Antartica is Antarctica
But then again you may be one of the learned seminarians from the Bull-rings of Madrid??
Courage Brother
Be Strong
You have been chosen by the Holy Spirit
Gotta go…The Mormons are ate door…Looks like the Holy Spirit has sent them to see me??
Thanks Davo
( not real name )
Looks like we are all off to Maccas. Davie’s got the coupons.
Anything we can get for you? They’ve just brought out a new item
The Kiko Whopper…highly recommended for suckers like you….as it is 100% Pure BULL.
By the way..if you dine in, you can dance around the table and shake your tambourine.
Finally…if you are nice to Ronald and spin him one of Kiko’s yarns…he just might sign up with your unfortunate cause.
Dave…Definitely not a true Neocat as, your MASTER WOULD BE VERY VERY DISAPPOINTEDNT.
Kiko did say, You will recognise a Neocatechumen Follower by his/her behaviour.
Now Dave…listen in….settled down yet? Fine…let me help you.
Hmmm…let me think…Ah yeah!!
As I write, there is happening in the Parish Hall in Kelmscott a magic Show…..The promo says
Come and see Jesus
It also says other things…but so as not to hold you up…(you have got to get there early as the joint is very quickly packed out and Parking is very difficult)
let me give you a ‘brief’ rundown of the show.
Firstly…Some people will tell you this but you must not believe them…REPEAT…UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES BELIEVE THEM.
In fact report these people immediately to your Parish Priest who will no doubt make an urgent call to Spain/Jerusalem wherever the call needs to be made to.
Do not pass Go..Do not collect $200.
This is what these Troublemaking,Disobedient,Protesters will tell you…..
The Magic Show is actually a tactic/strategy to Cunningly and Deceitfully recruit you for what is called the NEOCATECHUMEN WAY.What is this Way? Well…a guy named Kiko having time on his hands decided to go busking somewhere in Madrid in 1964…I think he was in with the Beatles/Stones that sort of thing.
Some passers-by liked what they heard and soon he had a band of followers.Some consider him a modern day Pied Piper…poor rats.
Anyhow….back to the magic show..when you are comfortably seated, the Performer/Magicians will begin by telling you that you are a very lucky and special person.
The Holy Spirit has chosen you exclusively. As such, those who did not get a ‘call’ are going to be very angry and disappointed.Some will criticise you (the envious/jealous type) so rise to the occasion and ignore them. Satan has got a hold of them…Hence the tag..Troublemakers etc.
Now…are you still reading? Good!
There will be no need for you to ask questions or take notes as this only distracts the Performers/Magicians.
Back to the Troublemakers…Have you seen The Passion ( Movie) ..did you notice Satan in the background? Well thes Troublemakers will tell you that the Magicians will not be telling you about the bag of TRICKS they will be performing..as that might spil all the surprises.
For example thay won’t tell you what the PLOT is and that You are actually being RECRUITED into the NEOCATECHUMEN WAY.
They also won’t tell you that you will need to attend 15 Perfornmaces culminating in a gala 2 day CONVIVANCE…That’s when you go away and come back as a WALKER in the Way..and before you
know it Bob’s your Uncle and he’s with you as you go behind closed doors twice a week in the Parish Hall ( which now becomes off-limits to those damn Troublemakers…serves them right!)
Back at the Ranch (Parish Hall) the show really takes off.
You see at the two dayer..you will come to realise how the Catholic Church has been getting it wrong since the year 400AD. So now, you have the rare and limited opportinity to worship in a differentway to the Mainstream Catholic Church and all thos eMillions of doomed worshippers, who have not been chosen.
You are now in the Corporate Box (sort of) where the Mass is so wonderfully different.
There is singing and dancing and clapping and kissing (on both cheeks) and there is even a live guitarist (remember Kiko?).
Communion time is the best of all.
Here you are able to taste the goodness and freshness of Home-Baked bread (If it’s not a Mrs Mac’s Don’t eat it) and to top it off a fair swig from a bowl that resembles the Women’strophy at Wimbledon.
As you say Dave…it’s like a McHappy Meal….so you should love it.
Meanwhile…it’s those Troublemakers again….being so DIVISIVE and SECRETIVE not to mention being CUNNING.
How dare they try and uphold the FAITH as taught to them. Don’t they realise that all the Saints etc from the year 400AD were misled !! The sheer cheek of them.
I mean, here we have these Neocatechumen Priests( most having left their families in Asian African and Latin American countries)to come and Evangelise and convert us unfortunate un-learned doomed SINNERS and what do we do in return…show not an ounce of gratitude.
I mean the fact that these priests don’t tell you that they are Neocatechumen followers as opposed to the Mainstream Catholic followers…Don’t tell you that they have their own Seminary in Morley as opposed to the Mainstream Catholic Seminary??? Tell you that THEOLOGY is a waste of time…The Church is simply BRICK….The MASS is NOT a SACRIFICE….You CANNOT OFFEND GOD and a host of other things as well as not allow or Discourage rituals and practices available in Non NEOCATECHUMENAL Churches….I mean…why are these people not Obeying these Honest,Open and full of INTEGRITY followers of this Way?
Perhaps it was a slip that the Parish Priest forgot to tell his parishioners that he was a Neocatechumen Follower and his plans for the parish is to convert as many people over to this Way.
And again…a lapse in telling people to come to an Adult Catechesis…when he well knows that it is fact a Recruitment Drive for the Neocatechumen Way.
Then when asked by these troublemakers to meet and discuss these matters…point blank opts for the AVOIDANCE TACTIC….
I leave you Dear Dave with this to ponder…..Do you think all that has been written (and is the TRUTH) is the TRUE CATHOLIC WAY?
Ileave you by asking….Whwn there are Black sheep,Lost Sheep and Troublemakers….is it not a fair expectation that the Parish Priest be the one trying to resolve/reconcile? It is so very ironical that we belong to the Good Shepherd Parish and the Shepherd here has eaten the sheep by his unwillingness to perform his duties as a Parish Priest.
Today we have Division Disharmony and Sadness….People have left the parish….The bottom line is in any sphere of life the ‘Head’ carries the Accountability and Responsibility for the end result…in this case…The result is…….An Unhappy Divided Parish.
I’ll leave you with something a Man said about 2000 years ago…it went something like this….and I would have hoped that the Role Model (Parish Priest) would have used as his motto….if he believed that the Troublemakers were wrong…..
“Father forgive them they know not what they do”
I guess this is the ESSENCE in the Differences between the TRUE CATHOLIC CHURCH and this PICNIC style Sect/CULT like Movement.
Can you blame the Troublemakers…Come on Dave…Be Honest?
Hey Melvin
Should i check my spelling after the Mormons eat your door.Keep it up i havent enjoyed myself this much since iused to kick cats as a kid
Davo…Thank goodness you could only pick on the Mormons..eat the door….and nothing else….which must mean…..
THE REST IS A TRUE ACCOUNT.
Be carefulwhen next kicking cats that you don’t accidentally kick the feral type…..NEOCAT
Have a nice one and chew on a Kiko Roll.