{"id":677,"date":"2008-02-22T18:39:31","date_gmt":"2008-02-22T18:39:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lanuera.com\/cmwp\/?p=677"},"modified":"2008-02-22T18:39:31","modified_gmt":"2008-02-22T18:39:31","slug":"howlers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/?p=677","title":{"rendered":"Howlers"},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<p align=\"justify\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0in;\"><strong>These have nothing to do with Neocats, but are doing the rounds at the moment &ndash; just Google for &ldquo;unsympathetic Genitals&rdquo; and you might find more. At least some of them have been extracted from <em>Must Try Harder! The Very Worst Howlers By Schoolchildren<\/em>, by Norman McGreevy, published by Constable.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p align=\"justify\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0in;\"><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/p>\n<p align=\"justify\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0in;\"><span class=\"dropcap\">I<\/span>t is alleged that the following statements were written by children; they have not been retouched or corrected and spelling has been left uncorrected.<\/p>\n<div class=\"letter\">\n<ul>\n<li> In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li> Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah&#8217;s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The greatest miricle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines (or Solomon had 300 wives and 700 cucumbers).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The epistels were the wives of the apostles.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The Papal bull was a mad bull kept by the Pope in the Inquisition to trample on Protestants.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The Philistines are islands in the Pacific.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The end of the world will make a turning point in everyone&#8217;s life.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>The natives of Macedonia did not believe in Paul, so he got stoned.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Pompeii was destroyed by an overflow of saliva from the Vatican.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"justify\"> <\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p align=\"justify\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0in;\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p align=\"justify\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0in;\"><strong>These have nothing to do with Neocats, but are doing the rounds at the moment &ndash; just Google for &ldquo;unsympathetic Genitals&rdquo; and you might find more. At least some of them have been extracted from <em>Must Try Harder! The Very Worst Howlers By Schoolchildren<\/em>, by Norman McGreevy, published by Constable.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p align=\"justify\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0in;\"><strong><br \/> <\/strong><\/p>\n<p align=\"justify\" style=\"margin-bottom: 0in;\">It is alleged that the following statements were written by children; they have not been retouched or corrected and spelling has been left uncorrected.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li> In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of &#8230; <a href=\"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/?p=677\"> Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr; <\/span><\/a><br \/>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-677","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-haha"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/677","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=677"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/677\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=677"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=677"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/church-mouse.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=677"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}